“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
C.S. Lewis – “The Four Loves”
First time in utter ignorance
The anticipation of dabble diddle in the forbidden
Love and lust fused in wonderment
Consumes all mind and body
Nothing stands in its path
No Agape, no Philia, only Eros
If God willing
Words keep ringing
No future, no recourse, only Eros
All grown to maturity
Seen and done
Only tattered shirts left to tell tales
Love, last hope, last redeemer
Must be God sent
Fell in love with a C.S. Lewisian
Love only thyself
Hides in selfishness and luxuries
Keeping heart incased in gold casket
Hold lover in witch’s spells
Like Michelangelo’s masterpiece
So exquisite, so refined
Perfect in delusional eyes
To Lover only truth revealed
A loving child scared and scarred
Jealousy, distrust the core of disdain
Anger, money as bodyguards
Lies and cheat, never retreat
Must be right so rich and vein
Invited by all, but few to enter
No Agape, no Philia, only Eros
If God willing
Words keep ringing
No future, no recourse, only Eros
Submission must need
Lover surrenders for love as last hope
Taken captive by the love it enslaves
Nothing lost, only fallen men to gain
Promising love more than all can sustain
No warning no signs
Just as north wind blow waste
Forever entrust in foolish rhetoric and haste
In fear of loss of greed’s promise
In fear of love alone cannot fulfill
Can’t let go not for a moment
Must see and hear every whisper
Every sound and stay
Take aim and blame at what’s most dear
Burn all ships before come near
Heart broken and shattered
Dreams laid desolate with despair
Every worldly thing lost
Detached from the human race
Only reason didn’t jump, to God promise made
Many days and years past
Lost the fragrance of flowers
Lost the taste even for Ambrosia
There’s no sparkle in champagne
And no beauty in Eve
Want to destroy, maim and kill
But love not lost yet still
Everyday thoughts reveal
Can’t forget what was real
In the night, dreams never sit still
Near death, facing God yet no proof
If God willing
Words keep ringing
Surrender, let God take root
No love; Philia, Storge can restore
Only Agape can rebuild
Never knew God’s love
Until Eros shattered all that was
Hated all humankind for what’s in store
Only betrayal and deceit lay rampant
For woman can never be true
All their lives under other’s opinion
Cannot survive when truth be told
For whom can defend when stand alone
So many days and nights alone
Accompanied only by deep thoughts unknown
Reflecting all that once was
Held in company of men looked bright
Whence stood next to God it shone no light
Caution to future lovers of Eros
Like Adam, Ulysses, and Oedipus
Must first possess Agape before all else
For surely if not, one dwells
In the lonesome caverns of all hells
Yet surely when one asks
Have the serpent of love weaved it’s spells
I can say yea without regret or remorse
Yet, never wanting to suffer such harrowing end
For if I can embrace once again
I pray that it is
With the one that’s renewed
With the Holy Spirit
For I wish no other
Than to know the love lost is the Love True
Near death, facing God yet no proof
If God willing
Words keep ringing
Surrender, let God take root
God, I am in your hands. Please have mercy…
Forever vulnerable and humble I remain,
